What I Have Learned in 1 Year of Marriage
Most people will tell you that marriage is a learning curve. I know that to be true because in just this first year I have already learned so much. Now that I have exited the “newlywed” phase there are a few things that I have learned that I figured I would share. I’m not a professional and I’m certainly no expert but I am someone who is simply learning through trial and error like everyone else out there.
Communication is key. This doesn’t just mean communicating your feelings, it also means understanding your spouse’s nonverbal communication. You can understand a lot about your spouse by understanding what their body language and expressions say about what they’re feeling. In the past year I’ve learned how to tell when Jon is tired, nervous, excited, and so much more just by paying attention to him. It’s important to listen more than you speak when it comes to understanding your spouse (which is definitely a challenge for me) but it’s also important to ALWAYS say what you’re feeling and remember that no one is a mind reader.
You are never truly ready for in-laws. Everyone talks about the relationship with their in-laws and unfortunately the stories are rarely good. Getting married young meant I had a lot of time before the wedding to get to know the people who would be my in-laws. I thought I was ready for everything that would come with gaining them as family, but I wasn’t in the slightest. What people don’t talk about is that when you get married you gain an entire family. So think about everything you love and hate about your own family that you’ve been getting to know your entire life and double it, except this time you’re meeting them as an adult which means you’re already pretty set in your ways and have gotten very used to planning your life around one family. Its twice the family functions, twice the family drama, the opinions and all those things that may drive you crazy about your own family, but that also means you get twice the love, twice the care, people who want to spend time with you, and a whole family of people who love you. You truly gain a whole family when you get in-laws which I certainly wasn’t ready for but I’m really grateful for it, even with all the adjusting.
Make time for each other. My pastor once said, you have to make time for the things that are important because everything else will just happen. He said it about reading your Bible, but I’ve found it’s true in marriage too. Things that aren’t important tend to just happen: spending an hour or two (or five) scrolling mindlessly on Instagram or Facebook, watching three episodes of a new Netflix show (or an entire season), but sometimes we say we “don’t have time” for something like a picnic or a stroll through town. Those are the things you have to set aside time for. Set aside a time for date night: dinner and a movie, trying a new restaurant, cooking a meal together and eating by candlelight. Make sure you make time to foster your relationship and continue to learn things about each other.
You never know everything about your spouse. Jon and I met at 14 and 17 and dated for four years before we got married, that’s five years of learning. In this year of marriage I learned that I still don’t know a lot of things about him and I still have a lot to learn. I can’t wait to keep learning more about each other as the years go on because I know there will always be things that surprise me about him no longer how many years we spend together.
Patience is everything. When it comes to marriage you have to have patience not only with your spouse, but also with yourself. Marriage is all about learning, adjusting, and making sacrifices. No one expects you to have it all figured out, so you can’t expect that of your partner. Be patient with yourself as you figure it out, and be patient with your spouse because they are trying to figure it out too. If it’s anything like Jon and I your first year of marriage will be the first time you live together and possibly the first time you live away from family. It may include several moves and it will certainly include lots of adjusting. Just remember that neither of you are perfect and you will both make every single mistake, but you will adjust so take a deep breath and show grace.
When it comes to our first year of marriage, it went by super fast. One of the most important things I have learned over the past year of marriage is that it takes both people giving 100% to make it successful. Marriage isn’t a give and take relationship, its a constant giving and adjusting relationship full of challenges and finding new ways to do life together help make it a new a exciting adventure that is unique to you and your spouse. It takes a lot of patience and not just having patience with your spouse its about having patience in life as a whole. When it comes to marriage it takes a lot of work to get to know your spouse, a successful marriage doesn’t come on its own it takes work a dedication to get to know your spouse. Dating your spouse is really important because as a guy I personally changed what dates were in my mind once I got married before it was about having fun and leaving a impression but once you get married you have to shift your view. Dating takes effort and it isn’t just about having fun its about bonding with your partner to share your views and feelings to better grow together.
~ Jonathan
This year has gone by so fast. I have learned so much about myself and about Jon. I look back at all of our wedding photos and just can’t believe that it was already a year ago. I guess it’s true what they say, time flies when you’re having fun. I have had a blast this last year adjusting to married life with my best friend. I love getting to spend my time with him and learn what makes him who he is. This is just the start of our love story. Nearly five years together and one year of marriage and it’s still only the beginning.
all photos by Emily Anne Photography
